How to ACTUALLY Become Your Best Version (3 difficult steps)
As a young depressed introvert who never thought he’d amount to anything, I am presently what, even in my wildest dreams, I never thought I could be. If you told my younger self that one day I’d move to another country, dance salsa, box, climb mountains, build massive businesses, learn Taoism and discover spirituality, that one day these videos would matter to me more than sex or lamborghinis, there’s no way that I would have believed it.
On the path to “becoming more”, I often found myself asking questions like, How can I develop discipline? How can I stop procrastinating? How can I stop being depressed? How can I develop confidence?
There are entire industries based in answering these questions, hundreds of thousands of articles and videos on these topics, but look just a little deeper, and I think you’ll agree that those questions are all fragments of a much greater gem of a question and that question is How can I Become the best version of myself?
In this video, I’m going to try to answer that question, based on my own experiences with trying to solve it, by breaking it down into 3 individual steps.
Step 1: Understanding “Me” and “The Me That I Want To Be”
First let’s look at the question itself, How do I become the best version of myself? If we look closely, this actually implies two things.
We have “myself” in the present and an idealized version of myself in the future, present me is lazy, unproductive, and weak, ideal me goes to the gym, wakes up at 4:00 a.m. everyday and climbs mountains in his spare time.
So when we ask the question, How do I become my best version? what we’re really saying is that
“I am me, right now, but that’s not who I want to be. Who I want to be, is the me that I want to be, somewhere in a future moment”
These are two different people, which implies something else really important, the reason why “Present me” is not yet “Ideal me” is because “Present me” is not fully in control of himself, because if we were fully in control of ourselves, then we would all go to the gym and have six packs and instantly develop good habits, but that’s not what happens, instead we fail and procrastinate and delay things, so we are not fully in control of ourselves.
Now I know what you’re feeling, I felt the same thing, I hate the idea that I am not fully in control of myself, to even think the words “I am not in control of myself” used to make me feel weak and to that, I ask a simple question, Why? Why does it feel so uncomfortable to acknowledge that we are not fully in control?
Is it because we don’t want to admit that we’re weak? Well that’s silly, because to acknowledge that we are not fully in control is what allows us to start our journey. We start as someone who is not fully in control of themself, and go through a journey of gaining more and more control, we journey towards becoming an authentic person who actually believes what they claim to believe and does what they say they will do.
I am me, in the present, and I am not fully in control. Who I want to be is “me” in the future, with full control.
Got it? Ok let’s move to the next step.
Step 2: Authentically Understand “Me”
For us to move from “Me” to “the Me that I want to be” we have to authentically understand the first part of that, What is “Me”?
This is trickier than it sounds because oftentimes who we think we are, is not who we really are. We all know someone who thinks they are one thing, but their true nature reveals them to be something else, these are inauthentic people, now here’s the thing, it’s easy to see that in other people, it’s extremely hard to see that in ourselves.
I’ll give you a personal example, in the past, when my friends shared accomplishments to social media, on a surface level I would feel and act as if I was happy for the person, while on a root level, I was jealous, when people close to me failed, on a surface level I was supportive and compassionate, but on a root level I actually wanted them to fail. I think that, if you’re being honest, a lot of you guys can probably relate to this, we’re so occupied with pretending that we aren’t jealous or bitter, that we never acknowledge the reality.
Just like in the previous section, we see these acknowledgements as weakness, but the reality is that it is in admitting weakness that we further give form to the starting point of our journey. To acknowledge that we are not fully in control and how things really make us feel is how we come to understand ourselves more authentically, which is a critical component of becoming our best versions.
When I did eventually ask myself why I felt jealous and bitter, why I acted as if I didn’t, I was able to understand the root of the problem, I wanted people around me to fail because it made me feel better about myself, I was always measuring myself to others, to the outside, my value was dependent on my perception of other people’s “success”, which are often exaggerated, especially on social media.
Once I realized that, I stopped comparing myself to others, instead, I see myself in them and feel genuine happiness when they succeed, I am supportive and compassionate when I see others fail, because I see myself failing.
You are not who you think you are and if you want to learn who you are, well you can at least start by turning off the tv, disconnect from social media, spend some time alone, you have to, at least temporarily, remove yourself from the external world, because profit runs that world.
To put it bluntly, the external world doesn’t want us to authentically understand ourselves because the more confused and insecure we are, the more likely we are to seek all sorts of bullshit products and shortcuts that at best address the symptoms of our problems, and never the root causes. The external world is designed for us to believe that we are something that we are not and the real answers are waiting somewhere deeper inside of us, where no product or shortcut can take us.
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Step 3: Authentically Understand the “Me that I want to be”
Most of us usually have a vision in our heads of our ideal selves, the “Me that I want to be”, the problem is, society generally has its own plans for what it wants us to be and it’s very easy to confuse “who I think I want to be” with “who I really want to be”.
I’ll share another personal experience and maybe you can relate, at a young age I showed incredible ability with 3D graphics and animation, around age 15, I was doing stuff in my computer classes that was literally light years ahead of my classmates. When the other kids were playing outside, I was busy working on RPGSanctuary, a website where I would write reviews of the RPG video games that I used to play.
Anyway, at the time website design wasn’t considered a “high salary” career, so my parents wanting the best for me, steered me away from my passion and instead towards their narrowly defined interpretations of success, which basically meant that my choices were banker, doctor, or lawyer. To make a long story short, I spent five years getting a degree in economics, started a real estate business with my dad, he decided I was too immature to continue with the business and trying to figure out what to do with my life, I somehow stumbled back into building websites.
My first few websites took me months and I was paid next to nothing, but I loved what I was doing and I knew that I had found my passion again, so I stuck with it and now many years later I own a massive real estate web design business.
My point in all of this is that society had defined the “me that I want to be”, I fully believed that was who I really wanted to be, I spent five years of my life to get a degree in economics that I will never use, it was only when I started building websites again that I came to authentically understand “the me that I want to be”, the “me that I want to be” involves a lot more things with this example I’m only talking about the occupational part. The “me that I want to be” also has expressive, physical, and mental components, we’ve got to work to authentically understand those parts as well and that’s not easy because society already has plans for us.
Now, How could you discover who you really want to be? this one’s tough.
I think that if your “me that I want to be” is something along the lines of a famous, rich person, with a huge mansion and lots of cars, that’s probably a good sign that you’ve never really considered the question in the first place. To discover your authentic “me that I want to be” take a close look at the things that you truly enjoy doing when nobody else is around or more generally speaking, in situations where external validation doesn’t matter.
If you’re not sure what you really enjoy doing, then you probably need to be doing more things. You won’t find the answers to this question on YouTube or in books, you’ll find the answer to this question by going out into the real world and actually doing things.
Alright guys, so in conclusion, if we’re trying to be more disciplined, stop procrastinating, develop confidence, truly be happy, these are symptoms of a much greater question that we should be asking, How do I become my best version?
In answering that question, we should consider 3 things, which we’ll look at as steps.
In step 1 we have to consider that there is a “Me”, that I am, at this moment, and a “Me that I want to be”, that exists in some future moment.
By acknowledging this, we must also acknowledge that we are not in control of ourselves, a powerful acknowledgement that gives us a strong starting point from which we can then actually begin to work towards the “Me that I want to be”.
In step 2 we need to consider that “Me” can essentially be broken down into the “Me” that I think I am, and the “Me” that I really am.
It’s very likely that who we think we are is moreso a creation of society, and not who we really are and so we need to consider this carefully to understand “Me” more authentically.
Then, finally in step 3 just like in the previous step, we need to consider that “Me that I want to be” can be broken down into “Me that I think I want to be” and “Me that I really want to be”
It’s very likely that the “Me that I think I want to be” is moreso a creation of society than it is anything that we’ve defined ourselves.
In both cases, we can discover the authentic versions of these things by actually doing things, instead of just reading about them, and by periodically disconnecting and putting ourselves into a space where external validation doesn’t matter, where we’re not consuming and the answers are in the silence.
While I can’t tell you exactly how to discover the authentic versions of “Me” and “the Me that I want to be”, what I can tell you is that you will never be your best version if what you’re chasing are inauthentic, false constructions of society.
When you know yourself more authentically, it is only then that you can start to look at questions of discipline, procrastination, confidence, happiness, and many other things, because you will have addressed some of the complicated nature of the “big” question, which is How do I become my best version?
To get started, I recommend that you turn off your computer and phone for a bit, and try to consider at least one area, where the “Me” that you think you are or the “Me that you want to be” is inauthentic and in doing so, you will have grown at least a little bit.
If you really want to benefit from this video I recommend watching it one more time, pausing after each individual step to thoroughly consider it for yourself.
But before you do that, if you enjoyed the article, feel like you benefited from it… can I ask you to sign up, to be notified first when I release new videos.