Why You Should Run From “Self Love”

Table of contents

What is it about self-love that seems so inauthentic? 

Why is it that all of the self-help gurus and positivity-obsessed masses who shout from the mountaintops that we need to “love ourselves more”, appear to anyone with their eyes even half-open to not have any idea what they’re talking about? 

Self-love isn’t self-love, it’s self-delusion, and it’s wreaking havoc within our health, our careers, our relationships, within every important aspect of our lives. Self love has become the very formula for self-sabotage, and in this post I’ll explain why that is, how this all started, and what I believe the solution to all of this mess is. 

One thing is for sure, by the end of this post, I promise that you will never look at self-love the same way again. Let’s begin

Step 1: Why the modern idea of self-love is broken

The whole point of “self-love” is to love ourselves no-matter what, even if we have no objective basis for loving ourselves. I understand that this sounds good in theory, but is it good to just love ourselves completely regardless of the actual qualities that we possess? 

What if we’re addicted to drugs? What if we’re morbidly obese? What if we spend most of the day attacking others because of their physical appearance, or because we see them as being inferior to us? 

There’s this idea that most bullies are people with low self-esteem, people who don’t love themselves, but research shows that most bullies actually have extremely high-self esteem. Most bullies actually love themselves too much. 

Now there’s a good argument to be made that self-love is just about self-acceptance, and feeling confident, but if that was the case, then why wouldn’t we just call it those things? 

I’ll tell you why, it’s because doing so destroys the whole narrative that we are somehow special just by existing. Not everyone is special. In the real world, people don’t get trophies just for participating, the trophies go to the winners. Why? Because, at least most of the time, those are the people who worked the hardest to put themselves in a position to win. 

Step 2: Understand that self-love is not confidence, nor is it self-acceptance

The reason that self-love is not confidence, because real confidence is something we earn, whereas self-love promotes the idea that confidence is something we are simply entitled to.

We feel confident about competing in a triathlon when we run, swim and bike every day. We earn the confidence that we’re going to ace a job interview when we arrive prepared. We earn the confidence that we can grow and lead a business when we wake up earlier than everyone else, stay home on weekends, and never ask someone to do something that we weren’t at one point willing to do ourselves. 

Now why is self-love also not the same thing as self acceptance? 

Because whereas self-love encourages us to blindly love each and every part of ourselves, “self-acceptance”  means actually looking at each individual part of ourselves, and accepting that there are good parts, and there are bad parts. And when we look deeply into the mirror and are able to accept if we have a drug problem, or that we have a problem with eating, or that we lack the sort of discipline that we need if we want to really achieve success. When we accept our flaws and weaknesses, we simultaneously establish a clear “starting point” from which we can improve. 

 

Self-love on the other hand limits our ability to improve because it promotes the idea that we don’t need to improve, this is completely delusional, of course we have weaknesses and of course we should work to improve them! 

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Step 3: Understand why people actually promote self-love

Look closely at the people who most praise the importance of self-love, and you will find that the overwhelming majority of them fall into three categories. 

1. Self Help Gurus: These are people who gain financially by making people feel good by telling them the things that they want to hear, which is very different from telling people what they need to hear. 

2. Public Figures: In category two, we have ‘weak-minded attention-hungry public figures,  the obvious example here are plus-sized models and overweight actresses who promote “body positivity”.

When they post photos of themselves in bikinis or shoveling down pizza, or sometimes both, with hashtags like #bigandbeautiful, they’re self-love as a tool to seek approval for their lack of self-control via the massive praise they receive from masses of equally weak-minded individuals.

Also quick side note, it’s not my intention to be mean here, but let’s be honest, obesity is unhealthy.

I’m not saying that we necessarily feel bad, at least if we feel bad, we can feel motivation to change. Self-love kills that motivation. 

3. Weak People: The third and final category, are the weak-minded masses who are essentially just mindless robots that blindly accept the idea that “self love cures everything” being spread by the copy-paste self-help gurus in the first category, and the weak-minded, attention hungry public-figures in the second category. 

Ask anyone in any of these categories “why they love themselves”, and their programmed response will be “just because I’m me”. 

There’s a word for that, it’s called “narcissism”, and research shows that people who think highly of themselves without having any objective basis for doing so, are often less successful in the long-run. 

Step 4: Understand why self-love is actually a sinister motive

So if we already have terms like self-acceptance and confidence, then why do we even need self-love in the first place? And why has it only recently become such a popular idea? 

Believe it or not, but there was actually a time not too long ago where self-love wasn’t something that people even thought much about, how we felt about ourselves didn’t really matter, what mattered was simply who we were, and what we did. 

And if you’re thinking that self-love is somehow a “cure” for feelings of self-doubt, why do we need a cure for that? 

We should feel self-doubt if we haven’t first earned confidence, and if we have earned confidence and still feel self-doubt, then how fuck does self-love fix the problem? All it does is pull a carpet over it. 

So why is it that over the last few decades, the concept of self-love has gone from relative obscurity, to now being promoted as the magical remedy to all of our pain? 

I’ll tell you why, even though you might not want to hear this. In the modern age, we exist in societies where “profit” is the highest goal. These societies have evolved, and are going to continue to evolve, not to promote our well-being, but promote what is profitable, which more often than not comes at the cost of our well-being.

If you need proof, just ask yourself the following simple question, which version of humanity is more profitable to the profit-hungry individuals and corporations at the top?

The version where most of us are weak-minded, unhealthy, and love ourselves because we believe ourselves to be special? 

Or the version where most of us are strong-minded, healthy, and we accept our weaknesses so that we can improve on them, and earn confidence through hard-work and preparation? 

Which one of those two versions of humanity is more likely to buy lots of things, to seek out medications to treat what are entirely normal and often necessary human emotions, to spend more money on external solutions to problems that can only be solved internally? 

Therein lies the fatal flaw of self-love. 

Summary

Alright guys, time for a quick summary before I head into my solution for all of this mess. 

Step 1: Why the modern idea of self-love is broken

Self-love is simply an escape into perpetual self-delusion so we can avoid the pain we risk experiencing when we acknowledge our flaws and weaknesses

Step 2: Understand that self-love is not confidence, nor is it self-acceptance

Authentic confidence is something we have to earn. Authentic self-acceptance means acknowledging that we have “bad” within us that we should seek to improve. Self-love tricks us into believing that we are entitled to confidence, and that we should love our weaknesses, which is a recipe for narcissism. 

Step 3: Understand why people actually promote self-love

Self-Help Gurus tell people what they want to hear, not what they need to hear. Many public figures gain power by promoting self-love as a way to validate the circumvention of having to deal with their own weaknesses via the massive praise they receive from masses of equally weak-minded individuals. 

Step 4: Understand why self-love is actually a sinister motive

Self-Love is a poison that profit-oriented societies use to make us believe that we should somehow be proud of how weak, sickly, and pathetic we are, because there’s much less profit to be made  in people who are strong, healthy, and self-aware. 

Alright guys, so my solution to all of this is simple, realize that “self-love” is a silly-made up concept, and that we should just move past it. 

Pretty much all of the “self” concepts, self-love, self-esteem, self-respect, these all breed narcissistic, ego-centric world-views because these are all emotions that we’re supposed to experience with other people, not with ourselves. 

Self-love is simply unnecessary, and it causes catastrophic harm under the illusion that it is something good. 

For the most part, the self is “who we think we are”, but there are two others selves, “who we really are” and “who we aspire to be”. If you really want to love your “self”, love the self that you aspire to be, as that self is constantly working to see past who you think you are, to understand who you really are, so that you can be your best version. 

Stop loving your “self” and start loving who you could be. 

Guys as always if you want to be notified first when I upload new videos, don’t just subscribe, but make sure to click the notification bell, unless of course you are too busy blowing kisses into the mirror because of how much you love yourself. 

This is the path.

Ciao, and cya in the next post. 

Sources

https://hbr.org/1964/11/the-power-to-see-ourselves

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26151640/

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227900933_Self-esteem_and_its_relationship_to_bullying_behavior

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