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How to Actually Be Attractive
- Written by NelsonQuest
- December 17, 2022
Table of Contents
The ability to walk up to a woman and engage them confidently in effortless conversation is one of the most difficult abilities to develop as a man – it was definitely always very difficult for me.
Which is why I, like so many other men, have found themselves drawn towards the art of seduction, aka the ‘pickup’ community.
And here’s the thing – Seduction techniques WORK, 1000% they work, because they’re rooted in REAL authentic qualities that are actually DEEPLY attractive to women.
But the problem, which most men FAIL to understand, is that they do not INSTILL those authentic qualities – instead, they merely SIMULATE them –
Which is why in this video, I’m going to show you EXACTLY how to develop the top 3 attractive male qualities in a way that is NATURAL AND effortless… instead of having to rely on cheap tricks and imitations like most men do.
Let’s begin.
1. Be Confident (Instead of Acting Confident)
As someone who went from lacking in confidence to overflowing with it – I swear to you on everything that is holy that there is no more attractive quality in a man.
Women can smell confidence in man in the same way that sharks can smell blood in the water.
So it’s not surprising that “How to be more confident” is one of the most searched topics for men.
But here’s the thing – although there are countless videos and coaches that will teach us how to PROJECT confidence –
Stand up straight and with your chest out – maintain eye contact – dress to impress.
When we lack confidence in any of these areas, that actually indicates a lack of AUTHENTICAL confidence… because when we are AUTHENTICALLY confident, we do all of those things naturally!
And this is where ‘pickup’ has corrupted the brains of so many men – confidence isn’t something that we’re meant to ‘learn’ about by watching youtube videos or reading books –
Confidence is something we EARN by succeeding in most, or ideally all of the areas where other men fail.
Building an impressive physical body through hard training and disciplined nutrition.
Working tirelessly within our chosen career or profession and achieving financial success.
Learning how to express our unique essence through impressive skills.
Developing the mental fortitude that comes with taking full responsibility for our respective lots in life –
And so once we’ve done all of these things and actually EARNED confidence – our entire ENERGY changes.
THIS is true confidence – it’s an energy that we can literally SEE in other men – the assurance in their postures – the confidence in their smiles – the CERTAINTY in their eyes!
With earned confidence, the very act of approaching a woman transforms from something like ‘oh man, I hope this girl doesn’t reject me’ to ‘this girl would be lucky to have me’., and even if we get rejected, it’s their loss.
With authentic confidence, we don’t need to memorize corny openers or pickup lines, because we can literally say ANYTHING and it will be attractive.
And so my point here is that, it is absurd to spend time and energy towards learning how to merely mimic, or simulate confidence.
When we could spend that SAME time and energy earning AUTHENTIC confidence by working hard to SUCCEED within our physical, occupational, expressive, and mental dimensions.
2. Be Intellectually Curious (Instead of just being good at listening)
Many seduction experts emphasize the importance of listening to women, which, like all seduction techniques, IS rooted in something very real.
A woman, like all people, LIKES to be listened to, especially by men, who are often so eager to demonstrate value that they end up dominating the conversation.
And so, in a world where most people just want to talk about themselves, to simply ‘listen’ is as rare as it is refreshing, and so yeah… definitely a very attractive quality.
Pickup communities emphasize ‘listening’ to women, usually by urging us to pretend to be interested in what they are saying while also asking them lots of questions about themselves.
But what we should ACTUALLY be doing – is to simply take a GENUINE CURIOSITY in the woman we are talking to.
In his book “12 rules for life” – Jordan Peterson’s 9th rule is to “Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t”
I love this rule, because it FORCES to re-evaluate the true ‘value’ that we get out of conversations, and what ends up happening is that we realize that the opportunity to POSSIBLY learn something that we don’t already know, is actually far more valuable, and thus preferable, to merely using conversations to assert our own viewpoints.
So to expend energy towards trying to become a ‘good listener’ , or worse, PRETENDING to be a good listener, is a COMPLETE WASTE of time when we can instead simply take an authentic curiosity in what women have to say.
After all… being intellectually curious IS a critically important part of the path we are on.
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3. Be Complete (Instead of Being Less Needy)
A lot of focus within pickup communities is placed on how to avoid appearing ‘needy’ or ‘clingy’ – which are easily two of the most UNATTRACTIVE male qualities.
The majority of pickup artists encourage things like waiting a certain amount of time before responding to messages (usually anywhere from 20 minutes to an entire day)
Or what sort of language to include or avoid when responding to give the appearance of a man who has a lot going on in their life –
But again… why waste time and energy focusing on cheap imitations and simulations, when we can instead go straight to the root!
To be AUTHENTICALLY attractive in this regard is simple – just focus on ACTUALLY having a lot of sh*t going on in our lives.
If we’re busy working on an important skill or business project, of COURSE we’re not going to be respond to messages right away.
And when we consistently, day in and day out, are making progress towards the realization of our IDEAL selves…
Then of COURSE we don’t have to worry about manifesting ‘needy’ behavior – because we don’t ‘need’ a woman to make us complete – we already take full responsibility for making OURSELVES complete –
And at that point, what we’re looking for is not a woman who ‘completes’ us, but rather to find a relationship where both people complement each other.
My Opinion
I think what I really want to say with this video is that the all-to-common male belief that sleeping with lots of attractive women can bring happiness… is the recipe for a highly unfulfilling life.
I’m going to share a secret with you guys that I’ve personally observed first hand:
Yeah, sex will pretty much always feel good – even moreso when it’s with an attractive woman –
But for the few men who actually do reach a level where having sex with attractive women becomes possible – they end up choosing one of two paths.
Path #1
Some men realize how ultimately pathetic and unfilling it is to pursue meaningless sex forever, and instead choose to pursue something deeper and more profound.
or
Path #2:
Some men, blinded by the undeniable allure of hedonistic desires, pursue this path at the cost of everything else.
Listen, I think it’s ‘good’ for men to be attracted to pickup – because it’s natural for us to be drawn to things that promise to help us become more attractive.
What’s not good, is spending our precious energy and limited time towards simulating attractiveness, instead of authentically becoming it.
Don’t try to ‘cheat’ the game in the pursuit of an easier path – instead, understand the rules better and learn how to move effortlessly within them.
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