Pickup vs Personal Improvement (Being Attractive by Being Yourself)

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The ability to walk up to a woman and engage them confidently in effortless conversation, is literally one of the most difficult skills that a man can develop, we all want to learn how to move, communicate, and ultimately be perceived as more attractive by the opposite sex, which is why so many of us are drawn to “art of seduction” in the first place.

Seduction techniques work because they’re rooted in real qualities and tendencies that are actually deeply attractive to women, however many of these techniques taught by the “masters” of seduction are just cheap, inauthentic simulations that require us to exert effort towards pretending to be someone that we’re not.

As young men growing up in “profit” oriented societies where nothing is quite as profitable as sex, we’re taught to want to sleep with lots of attractive women, but here’s the thing, while I don’t mean to ruin the party for you, I’m going to tell you a secret, most of the guys who “teach” seduction, I know a lot of these guys personally, and all they’re teaching is how to deceive and manipulate women through the creating the illusion of attractive qualities.

By becoming imitations of attractive men, all in the pursuit of what goal exactly? 

Look deeply at any man who brags about how many women they sleep with you will find a little insecure boy who has failed to establish any real meaning or purpose in life pursuing things that are immediately gratifying. 

If you clicked onto this post, it’s because you understand at least on some level, that what we actually want are deep meaningful connections with women, which is why in this post, I’m going to break down how to develop the top 3 attractive qualities in men, in natural and effortless way to become authentically attractive, instead of having to rely on cheap tricks and imitations. Let’s begin!

1. Be confident instead of acting confident

Women are able to smell confidence on a man in the same way that sharks are able to smell blood, in my opinion it is by far the most important quality when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, so it’s no surprise that “How to be more confident” is one of the most searched things on YouTube. 

But here’s the thing, while there are a seemingly infinite number of videos and coaches that will teach us how to improve our external confidence, by improving our posture, maintaining eye contact, and dressing to impress, If we’re lacking in any of these areas it’s generally an indication that what we lack is internal confidence, which isn’t something that we  “learn” by watching a video or reading a book, it’s something we earn, by taking action on difficult things, working hard within our careers and professions, building up our physical bodies through training and proper nutrition, learning skills like how to dance or how to fight. 

And when we’ve earned confidence, our entire energy changes, which is exactly what true confidence is, it’s an energy, that we can literally see with our own eyes manifest within someone, how they walk and carry themselves, their facial expressions, fearless eye contact, the very act of approaching a woman transforms from something like  “Oh man, I hope this girl doesn’t reject me” to something like “This girl would be lucky to have me”. They don’t need to memorize openers or pick up lines because with true confidence, you could literally say anything, and it will be attractive. 

And so my point here is that rather than learning how to fake external signs of confidence, we should instead do difficult things, confront our fears, exist within that frontier area of our comfort zones, so that we can earn authentic internal confidence that will naturally project itself outwards. 

2. Be interested instead of just being good at listening

A lot of seduction experts preach the importance of being “good” at listening to women, which is of course  rooted in something very real, for starters, it prevents us from making the mistake of saying things that we think will impress the woman by demonstrating  “value”, which only end up being perceived by the woman as a lack of confidence.

It’s attractive to a woman when we listen to them because,  just like all people, they like to be heard and it’s such a rare and refreshing thing in a world where most people just want to talk about themselves, now here’s the thing, rather than just  “pretending” to be interested in what a woman is saying while forcibly reminding ourselves to ask her lots of questions about herself, we should instead, be authentically interested.

In his book “12 rules for life”, Jordan Peterson’s 9th rule is to 

“Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t” 

What he’s saying here is that what we don’t know,  is actually a lot more important than what we do know.

And so when we see the world in this way, we begin to look at every conversation as an opportunity to grow and wee see conversations as an opportunity to learn, so to focus on trying to “be a good listener” is actually pretty silly, because being a good listener will happen naturally when we’re authentically interested in what the woman has to say and being authentically interested in others is pretty easy when we start to understand it as a necessary element of our own journey of personal growth.

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3. Be busy instead of being less needy

A lot of focus within seduction communities is placed on things like how long to wait before responding to messages and how to not be needy or clingy, and again, why waste time focusing on these external symptoms when we can just go straight to the root? 

If we want to be naturally attractive here, then we should instead focus on having a lot going on in our lives, of course we’re not going to always respond to messages right away when we’re busy working passionately towards well-planned life goals.

Symptoms of neediness almost always manifest when we pursue women without first feeling whole, a lot of men unconsciously look for women to “fill” some sort of emptiness within themselves, that could be a lack of self-esteem, could be a lack of self-love, could be a lot of things, and so of course when a woman comes to “fill” a space within ourselves where we are deficient, it’s natural to become desperate because if they leave, they’re now taking a piece of us with them.

So before we look outwards for a relationship, we need to first feel “whole”, which happens quite easily when we have an ideal version of ourselves that we consistently make progress towards, when this is the case, then we will naturally come to display that show women that we’re looking for someone to compliment our complete self, instead of someone to compensate for our incomplete self. 


Alright guys, let’s do a quick summary:

1. Be confident instead of acting confident

Confidence is not something we “learn” by watching videos or reading books, it is something we gain, by taking action on difficult things. Inner confidence is an energy that women can perceive physically and spiritually, because it manifests itself through our whole being.

2. Be interested instead of just being good at listening

What we don’t  know,  is actually a lot more important than what we do know, and so when we see the world in this way, we can see every conversation as an opportunity move further down the path of our own personal development, where being a “good listener” is simply a natural byproduct of being authentically interested in what women have to say. 

3. Be busy instead of being less needy

Pursuing women without first  “feeling whole” always manifests itself in needy behavior because whether we’re conscious of it or not, we’ll look to women as a means by which we can fill some void within us, instead, we should first focus on ourselves, filling our days with activities and endeavors that are moving us closer to that ideal version of ourselves, which, on the inside, will give us a feeling of wholeness, while on the outside, will show us as a man that has a lot going on in their life, which is an extremely attractive quality. 

Confidence breeds creativity, creativity breeds imagination and in the words of Picasso

“Everything you can imagine is real.”

Alright guys, if you loved this video and want to be notified when I upload new videos, don’t just subscribe, make sure to click the goddamn notification bell. 

If you’re curious to see some of the attractive skills and qualities i’ve worked to develop – make sure to check me on instagram, @NelsonQuest 

Ciao and cya in the next post.


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