Sexual Obsession vs Personal Development (Psychology Explained)

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Over the last few months I’ve had the opportunity to meet face to face with hundreds of fans of the channel, and by far the most interesting theme at each of these meetups has been how much the desire to sleep with attractive women can secretly nest itself in the motivation behind everything that we do to improve ourselves. I say “secretly” because what I’ve discovered is that most men are not only reluctant to admit this to others, they’re reluctant to admit this to themselves. 

This was certainly the case for me, when I first started down this path over 8 years ago and began to take an active interest in expanding my knowledge, developing unique skills, growing a business and improving my physical appearance, to anyone who asked, I claimed my motivations to be solely rooted in achieving financial independence, maximizing my full potential, and chasing dreams, but if I was really being honest with myself (which I rarely was in the beginning) my true motivation was this. 

And I know I’m not alone, so in this post, I’ll explain “why” sexual obsession tends to be such a dominant subconscious motivation behind everything we do, I’ll explain why we lie about it to others and to ourselves, and then finally I’ll show you what I did to turn this from a “toxic”, obsession into a healthy one. 

Let ‘s begin. 

Factor 1: Technology

Technology evolves at a much faster rate than our ability to adapt to it, which is why some of the most profitable corporations and industries in the world are those who use technology to hijack our biological instincts with what are called “supernormal stimuli”.

Examples of supernormal stimuli are social media, which hijacks our instinct to seek social approval, video games, which hijack our instincts towards hunting and progression, fast food, which hijacks our instinct to consume calorie-rich foods, and then there’s the mother of all supernormal stimuli, pornography, which hijacks our instinct towards reproduction, one of our strongest biological drives. 

When we consider this, it’s no wonder that men feel such overwhelming compulsions to consume porn, where we have instant, virtually infinite access to every type of mate we could ever hope to reproduce with. 

Porn is seen as a “reward” by the body, and so the more we consume it, the more the neural pathways in our brain become wired to release dopamine to motivate us to consume more porn, an unhealthy obsession that tends to spill over into everything that we do. 

Factor 2: Women

There’s this idea that men and women like to dress up just  to “look good”, but this is merely a surface motivation. Spend 5 minutes with an evolutionary biologist and you’ll understand that the desire to “look good” is rooted in the much deeper evolutionary motivation to increase our sexual attractiveness.

We feel this motivation even if we’re just out with friends or at a business meeting, because sexual attractiveness increases our standing within social groups, which was critical to our survival in primitive times. 

I hope it goes without saying but what I’m about to talk about is not a critique of women, who are playing the exact same game that we’re all playing, but women have a massive array of “supernormal stimuli” which they can use to artificially exaggerate their attraction, let’s go through a few of them quickly:

1. Blush & Lipstick: The purpose of makeup is to be sexually provocative. The reason that red blush and lipstick are popular is because lips and cheeks turn red during sexual arousal. 

2. Eyeliner: Female eyes are larger in proportion to the size of their faces than a man’s, so using eyeliner, which makes their eyes look even bigger, enhances their femininity which increases attractiveness. 

3. High Heels: These cause women to take smaller and more frequent steps with more rotation at the hips and less bending of the knees, which increases femininity and attractiveness.

Again my point with all of this is to simply lay more foundation as to why sexual obsession is so prevalent among men. 

Virtually every woman who we encounter out in the wild is at the very least using makeup, but more often than not they’re using multiple supernormal stimuli. Now carry all of this into social media, where you have the additional supernormal stimuli of filters, photoshop enhancements, and algorithms which pre-select the most “virally” attractive women and place them at the top of our feeds, and is it any surprise sexual obsession is so common when highly sexualized females make up such a large part of our conscious reality?

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Factor 3: Society

There’s an old saying that “sex sells”, and while this is true, it’s merely a surface observation. A truer statement would be to say that “biological impulses sell”. Let me explain. 

We exist in societies where “profit” is the highest goal,and as can be easily observed from advertisements, media, and social networks, our biological impulse towards sex is the one that is most exploited for profit. This is why companies overwhelmingly use attractive models to promote their products via what’s called “aspirational” marketing. 

The idea is the same whether it’s a clothing brand, a car company, or even a gun manufacturer, that by purchasing their product or service, we’ll be just as attractive to females as the handsome models in their ads. 

Nowhere are these impulses more exploited than within what I like to call the “success projection” industry, which includes social media influencers, day-traders, dating coaches, virtually everyone selling a “get rich quick” online course, basically anyone whose personal success is directly tied to the “image of success” that they project to others. 

I like to joke that the image of “success” that these guys project is essentially just what poor people think that rich and successful people look like, and while exotic cars, Rolex watches, and lavish vacations are all important staples, “attractive women” are at the very top. 

Why We Lie

The reason we lie to others and to ourselves about our sexually rooted motivations is because it makes us feel pathetic to admit it. 

In primitive times, men who were perceived as “more fit to reproduce”held higher standing within their tribes, which meant better access to resources and mates, and overall a much higher chance of survival. Here in modern times, we are terrified to admit that we are not worthy of an attractive mate because our primitive brain is telling us that to admit low social standing is tantamount to admitting that we have a low chance of survival. 

At least that’s my own highly educated theory, for anyone who’s interested I’ve linked all the sources at the end of this post. 

So now the question remains, once we identify these root obsessions and motivations, how can we then realign them to be healthy and beneficial? 

Summary

First a quick summary, starting with the 3 ways that society fosters sexual obsession.

1. Technology

Social Media, Video Games, and Fast Food are all examples of “supernormal stimuli”, exaggerated versions of stimuli which elicit a greater response than the stimulus for which it evolved. 

Porn, which is a supernormal stimulus for reproduction, gives us instant access to a virtually infinite number of sexual partners. The more we consume, the more our neural pathways get rewired to release more dopamine to motivate us to consume more porn. 

2. Women

Women themselves have a wide array of “supernormal stimuli” invoking tools, such as makeup, high heels, and instagram filters, which they use to artificially enhance sexual attraction. 

3. Society

“Biological impulses sell”, and our sexual impulse is king of them all. 

Movies, advertisements, and the idea of success on social media all condition us to see “sleeping with lots of attractive women” as a dominant trait that we should aspire to.

Solution

Alright guys, so how do we “fix” this? 

Well the first step is in understanding everything I just laid out in this post. When you understand the rules better than everyone you’re competing against (which in this case is basically the entire male population) is when you can start to bend the rules. 

To everyone else, this will seem like magic, to you, this will be blatantly obvious. 

Take your obsession for women, and turn it into an obsession for becoming “worthy” of an ideal partner, someone who is just as rational, loving, intellectually curious, and physically attractive as you’re working to be. That ‘s the secret, play it back a few times if you need to, maybe even write it down. 

If you can understand that, and begin to live it, you will understand what true power is in this lifetime. 

As always guys, if you want new videos, don’t just subscribe, but make sure to click the bell icon. Unless that is you’re a pathetic, sex-obsessed beta-simp, we can’t have any of you poking around the channel. 

This is the path. Ciao and cya in the next post!

Sources

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3185017/ Cosmetics as a Feature of the Extended Human Phenotype: Modulation of the Perception of Biologically Important Facial Signals Nancy L. Etcoff, 1 , 2 , * Shannon Stock, 3 Lauren E. Haley, 1 , 2Sarah A. Vickery, 4 and  David M. House 5

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2814183/ New “Golden” Ratios for Facial Beauty Pamela M. Pallett,1 Stephen Link,1 and  Kang Lee1,2

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6523404/ Perception and Deception: Human Beauty and the Brain Daniel B. Yarosh

https://www.jstor.org/stable/3151194

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